Author Archives: brainstormjoe

Being Batman : : Body armor that hardens on impact – D3O

Posted in Being Batman on by

Body armor is an essential piece of gear when attempting to be Batman, however, everything I’ve tested seemed to fall short.   In order to stop a blow from a baseball bat, or crowbar, the armor ended up being stiff, bulky, and very heavy.    Batman needs to stay nimble.   The lighter pieces (think lacrosse gear) would offer great flexibility, but let’s be honest, nobody would take Batman seriously if he dressed like college athlete.

Allow me to introduce the material known as D3O.   Basically, it’s like rubber armor, except when it gets hit, the molecules lock together, causing it to absorb and dissipate the shock like a solid piece of armor would.

From the D3O website:

“ D3O materials in their raw state flow freely when moved slowly, but on shock, lock together to absorb and disperse energy, before instantly returning to their flexible state.

This unique characteristic provides enhanced protection, while providing a versatile and flexible material that can be manufactured for a host of impact protective applications.

We manufacture this raw substance into practical functionality, as both a foam and non-foam material. The technology allows freedom of movement for the user with no compromise in comfort or protection.

As the material’s molecules lock, D3O disperses the force of impact, drastically reducing its effect and minimising the risk of injury or equipment damage. “

It can also be made fire resistant, and a few companies are already producing some protection products.

In fact, it works so well, that it is now being used by the U.S. Olympic Ski Team.  Hell, it even looks like a super hero costume. I wonder if it comes in black.

Watch this news reported take a shovel to the head, while wearing this amazing material.

 

Check out the D3O Website

Movie : : Why the movie Avatar is a crock of shit.

Posted in Funny, Movies & TV on by

First off, let me be clear… I enjoyed James Cameron’s movie Avatar.  The special effects were awesome, and the overall concept was interesting.  However, there’s no way in hell the battle would play our the way it did… and I’ll explain why…

First, a run-down of the players involved:

In terms of their level of technology and social culture, they essentially have the miliary capability of native americans before the introduction of gunpowder.  They use primitive weapons, like bows, arrows, and spears.  However, the Na’vi are 9-10 feet tall, and their bones are hardened by a natural carbon fiber.   On top of that, they have flying mounts, which can bite and/or scratch at their targets.

In the other corner, we have what is obviously the futuristic version of the U.S.  Military.  This includes automatic weapons, missiles, space-ships, helicopters, and mech-warrior-like exoskeletons.  However, to keep things simple, we’ll just assume they have the same capability of the modern U.S. Military, ie. Apache Helicopters and M1 Abrams Tanks.

Now, we are expected to believe that the Na’vi manage to defeat this advanced military, simply by shooting arrows and using their mounts to grapple airborne units.

Allow me to be the first to call Bullshit.

First, our modern Apache can hold up to 16 Hellfire missiles, which each have a range of up to 5 miles.  5. Fucking.  Miles.   Why in the hell would they even get close enough to allow a giant bird to grab onto it?  Why not blast them out of the sky, before they even know what hit them.   I don’t care how strong or fast the giant birds might be, they aren’t outrunning a 950mph missle.   Carbon fiber bones and being 10 feet tall won’t help you take hits from a missle and giant claws won’t eve scratch it’s 2,500 lbs of armor plating.

To put it in perspective, think about the Native Americans, and how well they did against the slow, single shot firearms of European settlers.   They didn’t fare very well, did they?  Now, replace those single shot muskets with a modern military capable of laying waste to enemies up to 5 miles away.  Do you honestly believe being 10 feet tall and having hard bones would make a god-damn difference?

 … is going to defeat …

No.  No, it fucking isn’t.

Rant : : No, I don’t need to tolerate your bullshit.

Posted in Rant & Rave on by

One of my clients would have their doormen/bouncer answer the phones, acting as a gate-keeper.  Now, there’s no shame in having a mind like Forest Gump, or having a job encompassing all of the intricacies of opening and closing doors… you know, things you’d need a Ph.D. in order to do on your own.   However, one bouncer in particular was always extra tweaked out on amphetamines and steroids… and I always seemed to get him when I’d call.  This is what would always happen…

… and this is where the aggravation begins.

Thanks, mouth-breather, for reminding me of just how important you believe your opinion is. Although I‘ve been with her for 10 years, and we have 3 kids together, feel free to speak to me as though I needed your opinion on the matter. Really? My wife is a good girl? I never would have guessed! I just pulled a name out of a hat and got married to the first girl I picked. That is why I rely on the Adderall-fueled ramblings of bouncers to educate me about the mother of my three children.

I have built over 450 websites, more than any other single designer in the state.  Having me build your website, is like having chef Gordon Ramsey butter your toast.  The only reason anyone gets a website from me, is because they’re personal friends with a member of my family (in which case I’m guilted into it).

I guess what I’m trying to say, is, I’m not your fucking employee.   You don’t get to talk to me the way you talk to waitresses and cleaning staff.   I’m doing this as a favor  to someone, which is why I’m not charging your boss $100+/hour.   I can read and write in seven different languages, whereas you needed to ask me how to spell the word THIRTEEN!    You are a replaceable, minimum wage employee, who “almost” graduated high school.   I have two Ph.D’s.  You wear a bowtie.  Let me repeat that:  You are a grown man, who wears a bowtie. I learned calculus at 11 years old.   Again, you were struggling with the word THIRTEEN!

A trained gorilla could do your job.   You are not capable of doing mine.

If push comes to shove, one of us is going to lose a job.   Hint: It’s you!

Do not mistake kindness for weakness.  I don’t need to deal with your bullshit.

Any questions?

/end rant